对某MBA申请者的简历和ESSAY的评论

前两天看了一个申请者的简历和两套essay,给了一些评论。里面有很多内容比较generic,个人觉得可能会对更多人有用,因此贴过来跟大家分享一下。未经申请者允许,因此没有附上其原文,评论中也去掉了其个人信息。

Dear XYZ,

Overall, good job. You've put a lot of efforts into it. Keep it up!

Warning: Given the time limit, I'll be very straight forward and focus on how to improve the application package, rather than what you did right. I may sound a little harsh.

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Comments on the CV

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1) Describe "achievements" rather than "responsibilities". Right now it looks like a well-written yet rather plain job decription, not something that gets the adcom excited and makes them want to know more about the candidate.

IMHO, a CV/resume for b-school application differs from what is used for job application--it should portrait the candidate's career progresses and professional milestones, rather than his/her work experience and technical/business skills.

So how do you give it a make-over? -- Numbers speak louder than text. Try to use sentences like "achieved xx% of growth in revenue", "doubled client base in one year", etc. For example, in the decription of your previous job, you gave an example using numbers/percentages. It immediately caught my attention. Try to do the same with your current job, because the adcom will start reading from there and usually if they don't see a good example of achievement by the third or even second bullet point, they will lose interest.

2) Need to use more "powerful" verbs. Currently the tone is a bit weak and again, sounds like a job description. It does not show your unique contribution so why would YOU be chosen, not some of your colleagues who are doing similar work?

B-school adcom wants to find traits of leadership potential and pro-active attitude in the candidate. So, show them these qualities by describing how you "drove/managed" a project, "created" a new working method, "initiated" an exciting plan, and "led" a team.

Even if you are not in a leadership/management role, think about how you affected outcomes positively by causing others to act in their best. Made a difference, basically.

3) Refrain from the urge of providing too much info. Rearrange/prioritize your "selling points" and make the key ones stand out by trimming the unnecessary details.

Right now each job description contains 5+ bullets and many of them are longer than three lines. Is that really necessary? You are not interviewing for a job so your reader does not need to know EVERYTHING you've done. The adcom just want to know, in the 90 seconds that they spend on average reading a resume, "what this person wants to tell me about him/herself?" and "what makes him/her shine?"

Suggestion: Cut down to 3-4 or fewer bullets per position and clean up words that only provide info rather than paint a portrait of a unique you.

4) Finally, all verbs in a CV/resume must be in past tense even if it's about your current job.

And don't use the phrase "responsible for" which sounds too passive. For example, instead of "Responsible for devising ABC strategies and executing DEF plans", say "Devised ABC strategies and executed DEF plans". Much neater and more powerful, isn't it?