hsWang

Role Models

how much your answer to this question can say about you. The role model you choose is not nearly as important as your description of that person and the way you relate this back to yourself. Here are some principles to keep in mind when writing this essay.

1. Choose someone with whom you have had a meaningful relationship. Don't pick a more important but distant figure. No one will be impressed if you choose, for example, the CEO of your company but have nothing to say about him beyond listing the credentials in his company profile.

Note: There are some questions that allow you to identify a "hero," and others that ask you to describe an ideal manager. In those cases you should alter your choice accordingly, but the below principles still apply.

2. Express thoughtful admiration. Glorifying your role model makes you sound naïve. Focus instead on describing the person in an insightful manner and explaining why you value what he or she represents. You might even have reason to differentiate yourself from your role model in specific ways, though the overall purpose should be to describe what you admire and want to emulate.

3. Describe and illustrate specific qualities. Avoid relying on vague language that merely depicts your role model as "brilliant" or "compassionate." Instead, aim for a more penetrating portrait that captures your role model's complexities. Moreover, just because you're not writing about yourself does not mean that you don't have to back up your claims. Show your role model in detailed action to convey the qualities that he or she embodies.

4. Tell stories. Using specific anecdotes is the best way to achieve depth in your description. By describing the details of a particular episode, you can convey much more about a person than by listing any number of characteristics.

5. Show the role model's tangible influence on you. The best way to demonstrate the importance your role model has played in your life is to recount changes you've made based on that person's influence. Of course, you should not come across as a sycophant or a blind follower. But you can show how your role model provoked ideas that then initiated a course of action.

This applicant writes a very effective portrayal of a woman who overcame gender constraints to become a successful professional. The writer illustrates Erika's qualities by describing her specific actions. The applicant concludes by articulating exactly what she admires most about Erika and showing how her life has changed as a result of knowing her.

This applicant offers a meaningful portrait of his father in just 300 words. Unlike the previous applicant, he chooses to name the qualities that he admires right from the outset, but he then goes on to justify them with concrete examples.

[此贴子已经被admin于2007-3-5 0:36:31编辑过]

hsWang

Complex Questions

Complex questions are those that consist of a series of interrelated questions, and for business school applications, the most popular essay of this type asks why you want to pursue an MBA and what factors influenced your decision. Unfortunately, writing a strong essay is not just a matter of answering all the questions individually. The essay prompt is designed to provoke a coherent response that addresses each question in a way that builds synergy. This section will teach you to identify and develop a strong overarching theme as well as to organize your content in the most effective structure.

Themes

The reason we start with themes is the same reason we suggested you start your brainstorming by thinking about your long-term vision. The overarching theme you decide on will inform the manner in which you organize the rest of your content. This theme is analogous to the thesis of an academic essay, though it's often less explicitly stated.

Finding an overarching theme is essential whenever you have an essay that incorporates more than a single idea or experience, unlike the straightforward essays discussed in the previous section. When we use the term "theme," we mean something that usually has multiple layers. A strong essay that answers the "why MBA" question will never boil down to a statement as simple as the following: "My reason for pursuing an MBA is X." That kind of theme would invite a repetitive structure that merely includes a series of paragraphs offering evidence for a single point. Instead, your theme should introduce complexities, as in the following: "While Experience A inspired my commitment to Field B, my efforts to reach Objective C will require an MBA education, through which I will gain Skill Set D." By asking about your long-term goals and past experiences, the schools are guiding you toward developing this kind of encompassing thematic statement.

There are essentially two ways to set forth your theme. The first is to bring it up in the introduction, usually at the end of the first paragraph. At this stage, since you haven't explored your concrete evidence, the theme should subtly indicate the direction the essay will take rather than try to tell the whole story.

The second approach is to ensure a strong flow between paragraphs, connecting each point with previous ones so the underlying theme gradually emerges. Then the conclusion wraps these individual themes together and includes some kind of encapsulation of the material that preceded it. Below we will use examples to illustrate these two tactics.

The Upfront Approach

The theme of this essay comes down to the following: "Yet the more I learn about the business sector, the more the uncharted territories in the Chinese market enchant me, especially when they involve economic globalization and Internet fever. Understanding and guiding these economic trends in China is my number one motivation for pursuing an MBA in the United States." Later in this first paragraph, the applicant defines her short- and long-term goals more specifically, but by offering the digested version first, she gives the reader a clear idea of where she's headed. The first half of the essay goes on to explore her interest in China's economy in further depth. The essay then flows naturally to the personal aspect: how the Columbia program will help her to take a leading role in "understanding and guiding these economic trends."

This applicant writes a succinct two-sentence introduction that spells out his theme: "This past year, intensive exposure to the telecommunications and Internet industries has allowed me to refine my career goal of launching my own high-tech company in Brazil, which will create jobs and help people become self-sufficient. Harvard's mission perfectly matches these objectives, and its MBA program will assist me by developing my management capabilities and nurturing my interpersonal relationships within the business world." Again, even without knowing what questions he's answering, we can make educated guesses based on the ideas he has seamlessly integrated. Essentially we see how past has influenced future in the first sentence, and we see how the MBA program will provide a bridge in the second sentence.

The Gradual Approach

This applicant uses the first two paragraphs to introduce the reader to the sector in which he hopes to work. You'll notice that the essay actually unfolds similarly to the order of the individual questions from the prompt: from his background, to his current position, to his career goals, and to his decision to pursue an MBA. But the essay would flow regardless of the question order because there is an underlying progression of ideas as each paragraph builds on the previous ones. The final overarching theme then becomes explicit in the three-sentence conclusion. It's even more complex than the previous examples because it comes at the end, and the evidence is already on the table. Nevertheless, it's essential to synthesize the individual points you have been making, because the synthesis shows how everything fits together.

Identifying a theme for these complex questions is a relatively natural process, because you know what issues you have to address. The challenge is articulating in a coherent manner the relationships between your experience and goals and your purpose in pursuing an MBA.

Organization

Because you're answering a set of multiple questions, there are limits to the ways in which you can structure your response. Ultimately, you will either arrange your response as the questions are ordered, or you will not. Below we offer strategies for making the most of both approaches.

Point by Point

The most obvious way to organize your points is to align them with the order of the questions asked. The advantage of this approach is that the underlying outline will be natural to the readers because the schools are so familiar with their own essay prompts. What you must be careful to avoid is simply jumping around from answer to answer. Also, do not recycle the language of the prompt, with all your transitions looking like the following: "My background is…," "My short-term goal is…," "In the long term I plan…"

This essay, quoted above under the Gradual Approach subsection, demonstrates how an essay can follow the order of the questions in a way that appears natural rather than forced. The writer is careful to write transitions that are focused on his own content rather than obviously circumscribed by the language and structure of the essay prompt.

Hierarchy of Evidence

The main argument against using the straightforward point-by-point approach is that it prevents you from constructing your case in the way that you think is best. For example, you might not have a great deal to say about the first question, but your response to the final question may be a point that helps you to stand out. Because your reader will be reading quickly and looking for the main points, it's often a good idea to start with your strongest evidence. You may even highlight your most interesting experience right in the introduction.

This applicant faced the following question: "Please discuss your post-MBA short-term and long-term goals. How will your professional experiences, when combined with an MBA degree, allow you to achieve these goals?" Her organization was roughly as follows: long-term goals, past experiences, short-term goals, with her reasons for seeking an MBA interspersed throughout. Clearly her interest in Taiwan (long-term goal) is a factor that distinguishes her, while her short-term goal of obtaining a corporate finance position is more typical. The latter is still an essential point to make, because it shows that she has thought through her career path, but she is right to open with a more original idea.

How should you identify your optimal structure? Rarely will your short-term goal be your most interesting point, since it's usually a means to an end. It can fit in after your long-term goal or your past experiences or both. Your main decision will be whether to open with a description of your most impressive accomplishment or of the unique and innovative vision you have for your future.

[此贴子已经被admin于2007-3-5 0:35:11编辑过]

hsWang

Question-Specific Strategies

Why MBA?

Nearly all applications will feature a question that asks about your reasons for wanting to obtain an MBA at this stage of your career. Some will explicitly ask you to tie these reasons into your background and your goals. Even for schools that don't offer this specific direction, you should plan on such a discussion of past and future, as it provides essential context.

"Why MBA?" is often the first question asked and without a doubt the most important essay you will write. It includes essential information about whether you're qualified, whether you're prepared, and where you're headed. The other essays fill in details about these fundamental points, but a strong answer about, for example, how you overcame a failure will not revive a candidacy that failed based on a lack of career focus.

Every answer should contain the following elements, unless the application has separate questions addressing them individually:

1. Your long- and short-term goals.
2. Your relevant past experience.
3. An assessment of your strengths and the gaps in your experience/education.
4. How an MBA program will bridge your past and future and fill in those gaps.
5. Why this particular MBA program is a good match for your needs.

Occasionally there will be overlap with other answers, and you will have to use your judgment on the extent to which you should reiterate important ideas. For example, some schools will ask about your goals in separate questions. In that case, the bulk of your discussion should fall under the goals question, but you will have to bring over key points from that answer to establish context for your reasons for obtaining an MBA.

There are no groundbreaking reasons for pursuing an MBA. This is not a place to aim for bold originality. Rather, you should focus on articulating detailed reasons that are specific to your situation. Moreover, there is plenty of room to distinguish yourself when discussing past experience and future goals; it's just the reasons themselves that come from a more limited set. That said, you should not try to drop buzzwords for their own sake. Make sure you tie your specific objectives to other aspects of your application.

This applicant details a unique background in environmental science and a focused interest in becoming an entrepreneur within this field. Thus he paints a clear picture of past and future before making the following transition: "In order to accomplish this goal, however, I must deepen my knowledge of the field. Despite my experience, I still lack some important knowledge and management skills, especially in finance, marketing, and entrepreneurship. I am also aware that my knowledge of American environmental issues is insufficient. Since dealing with aspects of international business will be an integral part of my job as an entrepreneur, it is essential that I fill in these gaps." Only after he has established sufficient context about his personal situation does he attempt to assert his reasons for pursuing an MBA. This approach ensures that you're not simply stating the obvious, generic reasons without personal insight.

Note that the writer goes on to add depth to his reasons by focusing on entrepreneurship, the area that encompasses his main interests. Finally, note that he cites specific programs that show he has researched the school carefully and can identify unique aspects that fit his objectives.

This applicant begins with an extensive discussion of Brazil's political situation and a specific industry, before going on to describe the background that makes him qualified to pursue his vision. Thus, in contrast to the previous applicant, he discusses goals prior to history. Either approach can work effectively; your best bet would be to start with and highlight what makes you unique, whether it's a vision you have or a past accomplishment. After that, the important thing is to ensure that everything is coherently focused.

Note that this applicant also places his reasons for pursuing an MBA at the end. He does, however, include the following in the fourth paragraph: "Through Columbia's MBA program, I plan to further build on this foundation by leveraging the experience in engineering and international management I have accumulated both in Brazil and in the United States." This kind of statement can be helpful to remind the reader of where you're headed. Some writers will even articulate their basic reasons in the introduction, but the full discussion is best reserved for after you have established full context.

hsWang

Diversity

After evaluating the qualifications and talent of the applicant pool, admissions committees seek to build a class full of interesting people from varied backgrounds. The purpose of this question is to find out what you have to contribute to this potential class. Here are some general guidelines for identifying a strong topic:

1. Don't write an ode to diversity. Many people spend half the essay writing about how much they value diversity, or about how important diversity is to enriching one's learning experience. Your readers know this, and you are wasting words by stating the obvious.

2. If you fit into one of the obvious categories, make sure you have something substantive to say. You should not simply mention a factor such as your race, ethnicity, socioeconomic background, age, disability, or international upbringing and expect that to be your distinguishing feature. Instead, focus on how your background has shaped your life or career; discuss how it affects the perspective you will bring to the program.

3. Diversity is not just about the obvious categories. Some people who are from privileged backgrounds will write about experiences in multicultural settings. This can be effective, especially if you have an extensive background within a particular setting. But your topic need not have anything to do with the obvious categories. You could also talk about a unique extracurricular activity, work experience, or hobby that has influenced your development. Don't look for prepackaged answers, but be sincere and reveal something meaningful.

4. Don't pick something that everyone else has. Make sure that the point you use to distinguish yourself is actually noteworthy. For example, don't say that what you have to contribute is your communication skills and leadership ability. Everyone will be emphasizing these skills in other questions, and you will lose an opportunity to stand out. Note: There are questions that simply ask about your most important qualities, rather than what you have to contribute to diversity. In those cases, you should talk about the important themes with which everyone else will be dealing, though finding an original point in addition is always helpful.

5. Be sure to cite specific evidence. If you're discussing an experience that has shaped your perspective, focus on concrete details. If you're discussing more abstract qualities that you possess, offer examples to show how you cultivated those qualities or how they came into play in your life.

This applicant moved from a small country formerly of the Soviet Union to the United States. Because his interest is in international business, he is able to tie his cross-cultural background to his past accomplishments and future plans in the global economy - and to his involvement in the Robinson student body.

The other angle some schools may take on diversity is to ask about your experience in diverse situations. Again, this should not be an invitation to deliver a paean to diversity. If you're going to discuss the positive influence that diversity had on a situation, be sure to cite specific examples. Also, focus on your role even if the question just asks about your experience, since active contribution reveals more about your character than passive response. You might emphasize such qualities as your ability to communicate, to cooperate, to bridge differences, and so on, but always with specific examples to back them up.

[此贴子已经被admin于2007-3-5 0:35:34编辑过]

hsWang

Accomplishments

The goal in answering this kind of question is to analyze rather than summarize an achievement. This advice is particularly true if you're discussing an accomplishment that is listed elsewhere on the application. Your readers want to gain insight into your character -- not read a factual summary of what occurred.

Here are some guiding principles to use in constructing your answer:

1. Choose something that's meaningful to you. Some applicants feel obligated to choose the most objectively impressive accomplishments. You should write about something that has personal significance, even if you weren't formally recognized for it. What matters is that you write passionately and insightfully about your subject. Unless otherwise specified, you should feel free to draw on academic, personal, or professional successes.

2. Focus on details about the process. Show the reader through concrete details how you achieved what you did. If you want to discuss a grade you earned in a particularly challenging class, show us how you mastered the material. For example, describe creative strategies you used; don't rely on clichés like "I succeeded through hard work."

3. Build tension. Describe obstacles and how you overcame them. Note initial difficulties or intermediate failures, and show how you recovered. By adding a sense of drama to your story, you not only keep the reader interested, but you also make the accomplishment seem that much more significant.

4. Evaluate the significance of the accomplishment. Again, the goal here is to add insight beyond what the reader knows from the straightforward facts. For example, you can comment on how the accomplishment represents an aspect of your character, or describe how it fits within your background of successes and failures. Don't get carried away, however, and try to draw overly grand lessons. You might discuss external consequences of your actions to convey their magnitude, but ultimately you should stay focused on your personal response.

5. Don't boast or be overly modest. This is a hard balance to strike, but if you stay focused on the details of your story, then you shouldn't have a problem. Use the details to convey the magnitude of your accomplishment; you should be able to do so sincerely without having to promote yourself. For example, if you can show through illustrative evidence how you influenced the course of someone's life, you won't have to make a presumptuous statement about, for example, "having a profound impact on the life of another."

This applicant discusses three accomplishments. The first is a professional achievement with specific details both about the difficulties he encountered and the contributions he made. His second accomplishment comes from his involvement in his community. Note that he makes the following unnecessary statement: "This experience was remarkable because it afforded me the privilege of making a positive difference in the lives of others." Although this is certainly true, the writer would be better off showing the difference he has made. Nevertheless, the overall account is still strong, because he does return to focus on specific duties he had and results for which he was responsible.

His final accomplishment falls under a personal achievement. Note that he is able to avoid sounding boastful by acknowledging but downplaying praise: "My act was heralded in the newspapers and recognized by a citation from the highway patrol and the county in which the event occurred, but this hardly equaled the feeling I received from having saved this boy's life." Few of us have been involved in saving another person's life, but this story provides a strong model of engaging dramatic narration and effective use of detail. The writer does not need to spend many words evaluating the significance of his story, because the details have already revealed so much to the reader about his character.

[此贴子已经被admin于2007-3-5 0:35:53编辑过]

hsWang

Skills and Characteristics

1. What are your strengths and weaknesses?

2. How would your friends describe you?

3. What skills are you most proud of?

4. What values are most important to you?

5. Think of a team situation in which you've been involved. What kind of role did you take?  

6. What abilities did you contribute?

7. What skills do you possess that are most relevant to business? How have you applied them to specific situations? How have you continued to hone them?

8. What personal qualities have made you successful in business? How have you demonstrated these qualities in specific situations?

9. Try to come up with unique combinations of your skills and characteristics and consider how these have applied in past experiences or will apply in your future career.

In this section you should begin by thinking broadly. Don't just name skills that you know the schools are looking for, because that will detract from the unique portrait you're trying to paint. Also, you might be surprised about how you can tie a skill from one area of your life into your current goals in business. That's why we also suggested that you come up with different combinations of your skills and characteristics. This exercise will help you to see yourself from different perspectives and recognize all that you have to offer.

Just as listing accomplishments and activities is unfruitful, you won't accomplish anything by simply naming skills. That's why this section has emphasized the question how. How have you demonstrated your skills and characteristics? Where is the evidence? Here again it's important to remember the movement within this brainstorming section from broad to specific. Perhaps you showed a specific ability in activities unrelated to business. The evidence can come from this separate area and still be tied in ultimately to your current situation.

Turning Points

1. When and why did you first become interested in working in business?

2. How has that interest evolved?

3. How did you become interested in the industry or company for which you currently work?

4. Have you changed career paths? What was your motivation?

5. Describe a defining moment in your current career path. What did you realize about your prospective career and about yourself?

6. Who were your early influences?

7. Did you have any strong role models, general or business related?

In your responses to these questions, you may want to draw on answers from previous sections. The purpose of this section is for you to begin synthesizing your previous accomplishments and activities into a coherent argument for your candidacy. Because there won't be room for you to describe every aspect of your involvement in an activity or job, you may choose to relate a particular episode that epitomizes the key points you want to convey.

One issue you must be cautious about is placing too much emphasis on one-time events. In most cases, you will be adding meaning to a scenario retrospectively. Few of us are ever in the situation to make life decisions based on epiphanies. You don't want to attribute too much significance to any one event, because that would detract from your purpose of demonstrating a well-reasoned, serious commitment to your goals in business. Nevertheless, detailing the most meaningful, significant episodes from your background can help ensure that your essay stays concrete and personal.

[此贴子已经被admin于2007-3-5 0:34:26编辑过]

hsWang

Topic Selection

After brainstorming, you should have a lengthy list of potential topics to cover. Because questions tend to be very specific, matching a choice from your list of topics to the right essay prompt should be a straightforward process. This section instead discusses ways to evaluate the appropriateness of topics in a general way, ensuring that each one as well as the whole set put you in position to make the best possible impression.

Conveying Something Meaningful

Does your topic convey something meaningful about your personality? Will the reader walk away with an enriched understanding of who you are? If you can't answer "yes" to these questions, then you have probably chosen a topic that's too generic. Search harder to find a subject for which you can take a more personal, original approach.

Painting a Complete Portrait

Even in a series of essays, you can't be so comprehensive as to discuss everything you've ever done, but you can aim to offer a coordinated argument that details the full range of what you have to offer. When dealing with multiple topics, avoid redundancy, and choose topics that will build on and supplement each other. To an extent, the essay questions are themselves designed to solicit a varied set of answers, but when there is flexibility, try to take advantage of that by having a big-picture strategy.

If a question asks for your three most substantial accomplishments, try to choose topics from different realms of your life -- personal, professional, community involvement. At least one should be distinct from the other two in focus.

Standing Out

Is your topic unique? It's hard to have something entirely new to say, but you should at least have a fresh take on your topic. If you recognize a lack of originality in your ideas, try to be more specific and personal. The more specific you get, the less likely that you will blend in with the essays of your competition.

Keeping Your Reader's Interest

Will your topic be able to sustain your reader's interest for the entire length of the essay? It's true that good writing can make any topic fascinating to read about, but there's no need to start yourself off with a handicap. Choose a topic that will naturally be of interest to any reader. For this criterion, it's necessary to step back and view your topic objectively, or else consult the opinion of others. If someone described the basic idea to you, would you care enough to ask for more details?

Staying Grounded in Detail

You should make sure ahead of time that your topic is fundamentally based on concrete evidence. If you're choosing specific experiences or events, then the relevant details should be clearly available. But if your topic is more abstract, then you must be prepared to back up any claims with concrete examples and illustrative details.

What to Avoid

After you've determined that your topic meets the above criteria, you should do a last check that it also avoids the following pitfalls:

1) Resorting to gimmicks. While creativity is encouraged, there must be substance to make your tactics worthwhile. Don't expect mere novelty to win you any points, and realize that you risk coming across as frivolous. Also, there's a good chance that any gimmicks you come up with -- writing a poem, writing in the third person -- have been done already.

2) Focusing on the negative. There is a separate section of this course dealing with how to address negative aspects of your application. But as far as your topic is concerned, the main idea should be focused on your positive attributes. This does not mean, of course, that you shouldn't mention past weaknesses that you have learned to overcome, as the emphasis there is still on the strength you demonstrated.

3) Repeating information that's listed elsewhere on the application. We have already mentioned this point, but it's worth making abundantly clear. Your topic should not merely be a list of activities or synthesis of your resume. Rather, it should offer the kind of insight that only you can provide in a personal manner.

4) Being too controversial. If you get a sympathetic reader, a controversial topic might help you to stand out, but you risk offending others and severely hurting your chances. You would do better to search for a topic that makes you unique without resorting to cheap shots or obvious cries for attention.

5) Seeking pity. You can describe misfortunes or a disadvantaged background, but do not use them as an excuse for bad performances or to seek pity. Doing so not only could sound manipulative, but also means that you haven't emphasized your strengths sufficiently. Thus, as in the case of weaknesses, you should bring up obstacles in your past only to show how you have overcome them.

[此贴子已经被admin于2007-3-5 0:34:40编辑过]

hsWang

Essay Structures

Straightforward Questions

Essays that fall under this category require you to discuss a particular number (usually one) of experiences as well as a particular kind. For example, you may discuss an ethical dilemma, a leadership experience, or the three accomplishments of which you are most proud. The reason that structuring these types of essays is less complicated is that you have one clear primary task: to answer the question. You don't have to worry about integrating multiple ideas into a single structure, because the main theme has been provided for you.

Although the task is clear, there are still ways to mishandle it. The following are strategies for ensuring that the structure you choose fulfills its purpose.

1. Make sure the topic is clear from the beginning. Sometimes, for example, people will describe a muddled situation but never clearly define where the ethical dilemma lies. Whenever you're facing a question that specifies a kind of experience, clarify how the situation you've chosen fits that category by the end of the first paragraph. If the reader has to puzzle over exactly what your topic is, that will distract him or her from the heart of your discussion.

2. Allow the story to unfold naturally. For essays in which you focus on a single experience, tell the story on its own terms, before you try to impose retrospective insight. For example, in an essay about leadership, offer the full details of what you did before you attempt to draw conclusions about leadership in general. If you want to tie a point to a specific example, put the idea after the evidence, so the flow within each paragraph is still from specific to general.

3. Cultivate dramatic appeal. Not all stories will have a natural sense of drama, but when the opportunity is there, you should capitalize on it. Set up the situation in the introduction, but don't give away the resolution. In subsequent paragraphs, show the gradual progress you made, but also don't hesitate to mention intermediate failures and obstacles you had to overcome. The effect of all this anticipation will be a more satisfying and impressive conclusion.

4. Consider using headings when discussing multiple experiences. When a question asks for the three accomplishments of which you are most proud, you are not expected to write a single essay integrating three topics. That's why we defined "straightforward questions" as those that define your scope for you. If you have to write about two or three experiences, you can treat each as a self-contained answer. To avoid awkward transitions such as "A second accomplishment that I am proud of…," you can use headings for each one. They shouldn't just be "Accomplishment One," but something more descriptive, such as, "Community Service Involvement."

On the other hand, if you do have a way to integrate your topics, you should not hesitate to do so. As always, a coherent picture has more potential to convey the depth of your character than a fragmented one. The reason we point out that you don't need to integrate your topics is to encourage you to think broadly when choosing them rather than deciding on a set that is easy to package.

[此贴子已经被admin于2007-3-5 0:34:56编辑过]

hsWang

Common Flaws

Careless Errors

There is really no excuse for careless errors, and having even one on your application can affect the way you are perceived. You have more than enough time to proofread and have others look over your essay. If an error slips through, your readers may assume that you are careless, disorganized, or not serious enough about your application.

Remember that spell check does not catch all possible errors, and even grammar check is far from perfect. In addition to typographical errors such as repeated words, you have to read the essay carefully to catch mistakes in meaning that might come in the form of a grammatically correct sentence.

Let these humorous but unfortunate examples be a lesson to read your essay carefully for unintended meanings and meaningless sentences:

1. It was like getting admitted to an Ivory League school.

2. Berkeley has a reputation of breeding nationalists and communists.

3. I'd like to attend a college where I can expose myself to many diverse people.

4. I was totally free except for the rules.

5. In a word, the experience taught me the importance of dedication, friendship, and goals.

6. I have an extensive knowledge of the value of intelligence.

7. I envy people with a lot of time in their hands.

Vague Generalities

The most egregious generalizations are the ones that have been used so many times that they have become clichés. For example, "I learned the value of hard work." That statement doesn't tell us anything insightful or interesting about the writer's character, because it has been said so many times as to become meaningless.

Generalities come in the same form as clichés, except with different content. They are always superficial and usually unoriginal but haven't quite reached the level of predictability that would make them qualify as clichés. Consider this before-and-after set to learn how to evaluate this factor in your writing:

Before: In the first project I managed, I learned many valuable lessons about the importance of teamwork.

After: In the first project I managed, I made an effort to incorporate all my colleagues as equal members of a team, soliciting their feedback and deferring to their expertise as needed.

Terms like "valuable lessons" and "teamwork" are vague and do not really convey anything meaningful about the applicant's experience. In contrast, the revised version explains the team dynamic in more detail, showing specifically how the applicant exercised teamwork principles. The passage should go on to include even more detail, perhaps by naming a particular colleague and discussing his interaction with that person.

Sounding contrived is a problem related to overly general writing. Applicants often have preconceived notions about what they should be discussing, and they try to force those points onto the experiences they relate. The best way to counteract this tendency is to start with your experiences and let the insights flow from there. Think about your most meaningful experiences and describe them honestly. Often you will find that you don't need to impose conclusions because the personal qualities you're trying to demonstrate will be inherent in the details. If you decide that clarification is necessary, the transition should still be natural.

Summarizing Your Resume

Perhaps the most common personal-statement blunder is to write an expository resume of your background and experience. This is not to say that the schools are not interested in your accomplishments. However, other portions of your application will provide this information, and the reader does not want to read your life story in narrative form. Strive for depth, not breadth. An effective personal statement will focus on one or two specific themes, incidents, or points. Trying to cram too much into your essay will end up in nothing meaningful being conveyed.

One common "mistake" in essays is to narrate one's resume, or life history, without any reflection or evaluation or self-criticism. - Yale School of Management

By narrating your resume, you not only lose an opportunity to bring your experiences to life for the reader, but you also ignore the task of self-evaluation, which is critical to business school admissions, as evidenced by comments quoted throughout this course

Losing Sight of the Big Picture

In the last lesson we emphasized the importance of including details. But as always, quality is paramount: the details you choose should be relevant and insightful. Some applicants will describe their work in boring technical detail without the necessary reflection and analysis.

What I oftentimes see is that people use the essays to focus on lots of things that are extraneous to them, such as their individual work experience; what they do becomes more of a focus than who they are. I am really struggling to get to know the applicants as people and I frankly don't want to hear about the minutiae of their work. I want to hear why they chose to do what they do, why they chose to go to school where they did, what they value about those individual experiences and the impact of these experiences on their development as people. - The Wharton School, University of PennsylvaniaOne of applicants' biggest mistakes is that they don't see the big picture; they only see the small picture so they get involved in minutiae. They get too focused on what they've been doing, detail by detail. They just regurgitate or reiterate what they've been doing without much thought as to where they see themselves going. - The Amos Tuck School (Dartmouth College)Long-windedness

Sometimes the same writer who relies too heavily on generalizations will also provide too many irrelevant details - and in this case we're referring to the truly irrelevant, not just the boring technical points. The problem is that writers often don't consider what is actually necessary to include, or they repeat points freely.

Example of Irrelevant Detail: "After a meeting with my adviser, I returned home to think over the matter more carefully. Ultimately I came to the conclusion that my global interests would best be served by a double major in international relations and business."

In this example, we learn nothing about the applicant from the mention of his meeting with an adviser. What's relevant are his interests and the decision he made based on them. The details about how he arrived at the decision are not illustrative of his character in any way and are therefore superfluous.

Example of Redundancy: "The experience taught me a great deal about
hard work. I learned that hard work requires focus as well as pure effort."

The first sentence is unnecessary, because the second sentence makes the same point with more specificity.

In addition to superfluous content, you also have to watch out for wordy writing. Wordiness not only takes up valuable space, but it also can confuse the important ideas you're trying to convey. Short sentences are more forceful because they are direct and to the point.

Before: "My recognition of the fact that the project was finally over was a deeply satisfying moment that will forever linger in my memory."

After: "Completing the project at last gave me an enduring sense of fulfillment."

Certain phrases such as "the fact that" are usually unnecessary. Notice how the revised version focuses on active verbs rather than forms of "to be" and adverbs and adjectives.

Big Words

Using longer, fancier words does not make you sound more intelligent, since anyone can consult a thesaurus. Simpler language is almost always preferable, as it demonstrates your ability to think and express yourself clearly.

Before: "Although I did a plethora of activities in high school, my assiduous efforts enabled me to succeed."

After: "Although I juggled many activities in high school, I succeeded through persistent work."

[此贴子已经被admin于2007-3-5 0:33:38编辑过]

hsWang

Brainstorming

Some people may want to use the following list as a springboard as they develop their own connections. You can browse the questions below without a specific structure in mind and see what results from that free-association process. On the other hand, some people prefer to have more guidance as they brainstorm, and for those people we have ordered and grouped the questions into a logical structure.

Each subtopic begins with a series of questions and then an explanation of their potential relevance to the big picture. You may find that some of the questions actually appear on your applications, but our purpose now is more to spark ideas than to think about specific essays.

Long- and Short-Term Goals

1. What draws you to business in general?
2.What is your ultimate ambition?
3. What short-term goals will help you to fulfill your long-term vision?
4. Describe what your ideal job position would involve.
5. What industries interest you the most, and why?
6. Where do you see yourself in five years? Ten years?
7. How can this academic program help you to reach your goals?
8. What attracts you to this particular school?

We have started with the question of what you hope to be rather than what you are because the former provides a broader context into which everything else should fit. You possess a wide range of skills and qualities, of which some are more relevant and significant than others to your candidacy for business school. Once you clarify your long-term vision (even if you haven't planned as specifically as deciding which companies and what positions, you should at least outline areas of interest), you will be in a better position to recognize how the details fit together.

The questions about your short-term goals and how the school can help you attain them also have additional importance because they may help you assess your current strengths and weaknesses, which will come up again in later categories.

Business is a very goal-oriented field. We saw several admissions officers comment on the importance of focus, and so your answers to these questions are important in themselves as well as in their impact on your thought process for the remaining sections below. You must have a thorough and practical plan, and you must present it convincingly even if you harbor private doubts. Your degree won't be revoked because you later fail to execute your plan. What your readers want to see is that you're mature and clear thinking enough for business school at this stage of your career.

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