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清哪位好心人帮我看一下这篇issue

Issue 37

The issue of whether schools should devote more time to teaching science and technology and less to teaching the arts and humanities is a complex and controversial one. On the one hand, some may argue that since science and technology are of more and more importance to modern society, students should spend more time in the lessons of science and technoloy. On the other hand, others may think that arts and humanities are essential lessons for the healthy and comprehensive development of a society as well as individuals. In my point of view, I agree do not agree that schools should pay less attention to arts and humanities teaching. Evidence I would like to present is as follows.

In the first place, arts and humanities are essential elements of our culture and civilization. Without some knowledge of arts and humanities, one can not fully understand the society he or she is living in, and thus cannot survive and make a proper position in the society. It is a tragedy for people to lack the understanding of their own cultures, because a culture can not only embody itself in people’s everyday life, but also is the headspring and support of people’s spiritual world. In order to attain a healthy and comprehensive development, people, especially juveniles, ought to learn certain lessons of arts and humanities, which will enrich their following lifetime as well as provide a clear understanding of their own culture and society.

In the second place, studying arts and humanities are of great help even to the scientific and technological learning. Both science and arts are reflections of human wisdom. We can absorb great perceptions and interpretations of the world through studying either of them. Moreover, arts and humanities provide a fresh and totally different perspective for people learning science and technology, thus can stimulate their inspiration of certain scientific research work. For example, Einstein, the most outstanding scientist in the 20th century of the world, showed a passion for playing the violin and mentioned in his autobiography the special effect music played on his research works.

Lasr but not least, arts and humanities helps to guide the development of science and technology in the right direction. Abundant historical examples have showed that even if the technological difficulties of certain research work have been overcome, ethical debates and humanity concerns are still required to prove the validity of the adoption of the new technique. Two examples in point  the adoption of abortion and the practice of clone, both of which have caused and are still causing intense debates regarding their moral validity.

In sum, based on the above-mentioned analysis, it is not difficult to draw the conclusion that schools should not reduce their commitments in arts and humanities. The learning and command of arts and humanities will not only help build more balancedly-educated people but also promote the development of science and technology themselves.
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1、能不能将第一段中的on the one hand, on the other hand去掉,直接在两句间改用while
2、In my point of view, however,
3、I agree do not agree that ????
4、can not =》cannot
5、It is a tragedy for people to lack the understanding of their own cultures,这句不定式的感觉有点怪。
6、because a culture can not only 将can 省略了更好。
7、lifetime as well as provide 用and 似乎好些。
8、through studying either 用by好些。
9、a passion for playing the violin and mentioned in his autobiography the special effect music played on his research works.
两个直接连在一起的句子???
10、been overcome, ethical debates 句子前后要对称

写地真好!最起码,这样好的文章我写不出来!
Robert之家-----我的家园

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My view, good one but need cohesion.

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谢谢tongxun切中要害的评价,我在很多小地方上老是会出错,有很便扭的表达
谢谢cook
还有,只要字数上了400,一般都能有5分吗?

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还有,作文机经的用处大吗?
在近期考试中出现的概率会比较高吗?

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一般在没有大的语法、结构和离题的情况下,有5分。
Robert之家-----我的家园

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