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大家帮忙看一看我这样写可以吗

后天考,今天才开始练。求大家帮我看看,到底符不符合GMAT requirements?

Two years ago Nova High School began to use interactive computer instruction in three academic subjects. The school dropout rate declined immediately, and last year’s graduates have reported some impressive achievements in college. In future budgets the school board should use a greater portion of the available funds to buy more computers, and all schools in the district should adopt interactive computer instruction throughout the curriculum.

Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument...

The argument reasons that because the use of interactive computer instruction in academic subjects coincided with a decline in dropout rate and improved academic performance, the former caused the latter. Therefore, other schools should adopt the same strategy to improve their education system. Obviously, this argument is very weak in its evidence and assumptions.

First of all, the argument uses questionable evidence to support its conclusion. It states that because dropout rate declined and college performance of its graduates improved, the computer instruction is helpful. However, the argument does not further validate its evidence. For instance, it does not specify that last year’s graduates are representative of all its graduates and that there are no other potential causes for the decline in dropout rate but the initiation of computer courses. For example, if it were shown that last year’s graduates were among the best performers in an interval of ten years, then the argument would be rendered complete invalid.

Secondly, the assumption underlying the cause-and-effect relationship between computer programs and better education is ill-founded. The argument concludes that computer instruction improved education because dropout declined and college achievements excelled at the same time the program is implemented. It fails to show that one caused another. For instance, if it were proven that the economy weakened last year so that there are fewer jobs for high school dropouts, then one cannot say the decline in dropout rate is caused by the computer programs. The argument provides no evidence of any relationship that may have existed between computers and better education.

Finally, the argument further assumes that, if the programs were indeed helpful to its graduates, it would help other schools. However, it does not provide any evidence that strategies that apply to one school will work in another. For instance, Different parts of the country may be very different in terms of preferences so that adding computers in the other schools may prove to be a nuisance for the students who wish to complete traditional assignments.

In summary, the argument is weak in that it is based on questionable evidence and ill-founded assumptions. To improve the argument, one needs to specify that the evidence is based on a representative sample of subjects, that it is the computer programs, rather than some third factor, that bettered the education. It also needs to provide information stating that the schools are similar enough for the strategy to apply to all.

The following appeared in an Avia Airlines departmental memorandum. “On average, 9 out of every 1,000 passengers who traveled on Avia Airlines last year filed a complaint about our baggage-handling procedures. This means that although some 1 percent of our passengers were unhappy with those procedures, the overwhelming majority were quite satisfied with them; thus it would appear that a review of the procedures is not important to our goal of maintaining or increasing the number of Avia’s passengers.

Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument...

The airline assumes, based on evidence that only one percent of its customers filed complaints about its baggage-handling procedures, that there is little need to review its procedures. Apparently, the insufficient evidence and doubtful assumption render the argument unconvincing.

First of all, the evidence provided is insufficient because it fails to offer comparatives. It does not consider the possibility that compared to its competitors the rate of satisfaction is low. For instance, the complaints filed may be only one-tenth of a percentage in competing airlines. Furthermore, intense competition substantiates the effects of insufficient performance in any of the airline’s departments. For example, the effect of a one percent complaint rate may not be as significant in an industry with only two comparable airlines as in one with dozens of competitors that offer high quality service. Without further information, the evidence cannot provide adequate support for the argument.

Secondly, the argument is based on the questionable assumption that baggage-handling service is only loosely related to the goal of increasing the number of customers. The department claims that the low rate of complaints does not significantly hurt the company. However, the argument does not provide evidence regarding this relationship. For instance, people may consider baggage-handling service to be an integral part of their decision between means of traveling. Business customers, who play an increasingly important role in traveling, tend to carry valuable goods in their baggage so that any insufficient handling practices, even if it only affects a small number of customers, may prove detrimental to the airline’s customer relations and in turn affects the airline’s long term prospects.

In summary, the argument is weak in that it fails to offer comparatives to validate is evidence and that it assumes without support that small insufficiencies in baggage service does not play a significant role in maintaining customers. To strengthen the argument, one needs to offer evidence that the complaint rate is low compared to other airlines and to provide information that baggage handling does not play an important role in people’s choice of traveling agents.

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It's very good, though you can still polish some of your vocabulary.

"For example" and "for instance" are repeated for several times in the article, and I suggest you try to find other words or prases to express the meaning to illustrate.

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