{翻小译：笨蛋译者啊只会上网，对技术层面那是七窍通了六窍—— 一窍不通。昨天网络断线，笨蛋译者捣鼓了半天也没弄出什么峰回路转、柳暗花明，山明水秀。然后笨蛋译者就傻眼了，更新也断线了。果然是笨蛋啊。}
{译者废话：咳咳，接下来这句话送给楼上的翻小译童鞋。}

4 VERY FUNNY, MOTHERFUCKER
第四章 非常有趣，混账东西

EVEN BEFORE I STARTED RAPPING, I WAS SNAPPING ON PEOPLE.This was back in junior high and high school. Well, 8th grade and those three real precious(倾斜) years I spent in 9th grade. I had to choose between being the class clown and being the shy kid who got the shit kicked out of him. So whenever I had a choice, it was pretty much guaranteed I was going to act the fool and start clowning. But, you know, usually you don't get to make that choice.
在我开始说唱以前，我就有挑衅别人的习惯。这得说回到初高中时期。好吧，是8年级和在九年级的非常珍贵的3年。我必须在扮演班级里的小丑和做一个被人痛扁的闷葫芦之间做出抉择，这基本确保了我会当一个装傻充愣的小丑。但是，你知道，通常情况下你用不着做那样的选择。

When I was nine years old, this kid who was a little older decided one day to just beat the living shit out of me in the bathroom at elementary school. Almost killed me. I rapped  about that in "Brain Damage," and some people think I'm making it up, but nope-- that shit really happened. My brain really was fucking bleeding out my ear. It wasn't like I was in a coma, but I was kind of blacking out and waking up off and on for a couple of days. When I finally came out of it, my first words were "I can spell elephant." I guess I felt like a Ringling Brother.
我九岁那年，一个比我稍大一点的孩子有一天突然兴起，在小学的浴室里狠狠地揍了我一顿。几乎把我打死了。我在“Brain Damage”里提到了这件事。一些人认为这是我捏造的。非也——那件事是真实发生过的。我的脑子真的TMD从耳朵里向外流血。我没有陷入深度昏迷，但接连几天我都处于醒过来又昏过去的状态。当我终于彻底清醒后，我说的第一句话是“我知道‘大象’怎么拼。”我估计我以为自己是林林家族的一员。{译者废话：“林林家族”是美国的一个马戏家族。}

   So I had to learn quickly to snap back. And, luckily, snapping on people and being snapped on is something that kind of trains you for hip-hop. It's a lot like battling. You have to be sharp: if you don't have a comeback or if you blurt out something weak or just not funny, you're going to sound like an ass. A lot of really great hip-hop is just a hot beat and guys coming up with amazing disses.
   我必须快速学会反击。幸运的是，攻击与被攻击就像是为hip-hop所做的训练。就像battling。你的言辞必须足够犀利：如果你做不到反唇相讥，或是你脱口而出了一些烂句子，哪怕只是不够有趣，你听上去就会像个蠢货。很多好的hip-hop不过是劲爆的伴奏加上一张出口成“脏”的嘴而已。

   I should be grateful. If I hadn't gotten the shit kicked out of me, I might never have started snapping, and then I might never have started rapping. I'd probably still be cooking at Gilbert's Lodge for $5.50 an hour. I mean, I basically was working there when I first met Dre. Hailie at that time was just a baby, about a year old. Do you know how many hours it takes working as a cook to earn enough money to buy a box of diapers?　Four or five hours. So in the end I guess I'm not so mad about the brain damage.
   我应该心怀感激。如果我不曾被人狂扁，我可能永远也不会挑衅别人，我可能永远也不会开始说唱。我现在也许还在Gilbert’s Lodge 帮厨，每小时挣$5.50。我这么说是因为第一次遇见Dre时，我的正式工作就是在那里。Hailie那时还是个婴儿，大约一岁。你知道一个厨子要挣够买一箱尿布的钱需要工作多久吗？四到五个小时。所以到头来我猜我对脑损伤一事并不是那么生气。

   I think maybe there's this perception out there that I'm still this withdrawn, quiet guy, and that the clowning around I do in my music is a way to get around being shy. But I'm really just a normal guy. You can ask my neighbors. I ride a bike. I walk the dog. I mow my lawn. I'm out there every Sunday, talking to myself, buck naked, mowing the lawn with a chainsaw.
   我想也许在有些人的印象里，我还是那个沉默寡言，安静的人，而我在我的音乐里耍宝，则是用于掩饰我的胆怯。但是我真的只是个普通人。你可以去问我的邻居。我骑自行车。遛狗。修整草坪。每周日我都在户外，自言自语，一丝不挂，拿着电锯割草。

   The press probably gets this impression of me because in interviews I'm not always bouncing around in a fucking costume, doing voice, and acting goofy. But who the fuck is going to be cracking jokes after being asked the same damn question for the 10th year in a row? And then when you do finally say something offhand, kind of clownig around, that's the only part of the interview they end up printing. "Every morning I suck elephant cock." Then the next month you pick up the magazine and on the front cover in big letter is "Eminem: Elephant Cock Sucker!" That's a bad example, though, because, you know, every morning I do suck elephant cock. Right after I floss.
   媒体之所以对我会有这样的印象，也许是因为在采访时我没有一直穿着戏服跳来跳去，变换嗓音，做傻乎乎的动作。但谁TM在连续十年被问同样的蠢问题后还有兴致说笑话？而当你终于随便讲了开玩笑的些话后，整个采访他们就只印这部分。“每天早晨我都吮吸大象的老二。”你拿到的下期杂志封面上就会有大字印着：“Eminem:大象老二的吮吸者!”不过，这是个糟糕的例子。因为，你知道，我确实每天早晨吮吸大象的老二。就在我用完牙线之后。


{译者废话：此乃《Brain Damage》和《Just Don't Gvie A Fuck》的现场版。}