【MBA老板】推荐信原稿和改后稿（2）

topwayer

To Whom It May Concern,

I got to know the applicant since he started his career with our company in 1986 right after graduation from university. During the four years with our company (he is my immediate assistant in his forth year with our company), he unarguably presented self-motivated performance and demonstrated outstanding organizational skills. He was one of the most promising young men in our company who have shown outstanding team work with his colleagues and maintained good relationship with other departments.（文章开头不符合一般推荐信的格式。）

Impressed with his high capabilities and great potential, we decided to send him to USA in 1989, together with presidents/vice presidents of major aviation industry factories in China, to take part in a management training program in Boeing and Sino-Ohio Center. We were very pleased to see the further improvement in his performance and maturity after he returned half a year later.

In his follow-on position as manager in charge of aircraft sales to SE Asia, he performed impressively again in sales technique, work-coordination, creativeness , leadership, negotiation skills, motivating his subordinates, and above all working under heavy pressure.

Owing partly to his efforts, we managed millions of US Dollars sales volume in the area and maintained long standing friendship with the customers.

Still vivid in my memory is how he initiated and organized a flight demonstration of our Y-12 turbo prop plane in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia in late 1989 under extremely tight time pressure. He successfully handled tremendous amount of work involving Chinese aviation authority, Chinese Foreign Ministry, Malaysian government, Malaysian private airlines, Thai Government (we had to fly over Thailand), etc. This flight demonstration started our sales to that particular country, and the surrounding countries.

Adding to his job performance is the entertainment activities he organized in the company. We appointed him Secretary-General of Youth Association of the company in appreciation of his prominent work performance as well as his personal integrity and good sense of humor. He organized sports and quiz competitions, tree planting, tourism ,etc. to help the young people enjoy a rich life.


Da Duliang
Executive Vice President
China National Import & Export Corp.
(CNIEC)

topwayer

Friday, November 06, 1998


Dear Professors:

The executive vice president of China National Import & Export Corp. (CNIEC), a major state-owned company born out of the former Ministry of Space and Aviation Industries of China's Central Government, I am now writing with pleasure to recommend Mr. Chu Guo, my most important assistant almost ten years ago.

I have known Mr. Chu as a talented and resourceful individual since 1986, when he graduated with a B.A. from one of this country's most respected institutions of international learning and started to work for my company, China's premier importer and exporter of high-tech products.（原文中没有对毕业学校和公司的介绍，加上之后，效果好得多。读者要学会这种写作方法。） With outstanding organizational skills and strong drive, he soon caught the attention of the senior management and thus moved quickly up the corporate ladder.（请读者对比原文，学习修改稿是如何将品质的评价与具体事例相结合的。）

Impressed by his track record and great potential, we sent him to the USA in 1989 for management training at the Boeing and Sino-Ohio Center, together with senior executives of major manufacturers of aviation products in China. Of some 1,200 employees we had at the time, he was alone in winning this privilege,（加上这一比较，更能说明被推荐人的出众。） which goes to show how promising we considered him. That six-month training program did much to enhance his business acumen.

Put in charge of aircraft sales to SE Asia upon his return, he demonstrated impressive dexterity at negotiation, coordination, and sales. Creative and tenacious in the face of great odds, he managed to motivate his associates in concluding a number of ground-breaking deals with Southeast Asian countries. Thanks largely to his efforts, we achieved millions of US dollars in sales to that hitherto untapped market and maintained long-term friendship with our customers.

Still vivid in my memory is how he initiated and organized a flight demonstration of our Y-12 turbo prop plane in Kuala Lumpur, capital of Malaysia, in late 1989 under extremely tight time constraints. He successfully handled a tremendous amount of work involving China's aviation authorities and Foreign Ministry officials as well as the Malaysian government and private airlines. He also had to deal with the Thai Government, as we had to fly through Thailand's airspace. The flight proved a resounding success, as it triggered off our sales to Malaysia and surrounding countries.

Having matured as a business manager, he was promoted to be my immediate assistant in late 1989. He held this position for a year until he resigned to join an Italian company in search of new challenges. In recognition of his popularity among our staff, we also appointed him the Secretary-General of the company's Youth Association. As such, he organized sports, tree planting, pleasure tours, and other entertainment activities, whereby our young people enjoyed enriched life after work. The friendship we struck while working together has proved enduring, as we have stayed in constant touch with each other after he left.

I believe that, with his rich and colorful professional experience, Mr. Chu will be as much of an asset to your graduate business program as he was to us so many years ago.（加上这一句是必要的，推荐信不仅要写被推荐人的优点，还要让老外知道被推荐人能给老外带去什么。） In view of this, I would like to lend my full support to his application for acceptance. Should you have any further questions about him, please do not hesitate to contact me.



Yours sincerely


Da Duliang
Executive Vice President
China National Import & Export Corp. (CNIEC)