【建议大牛批改练习的AWA。。。】

twinhead

总对自己的AWA没信心，觉得每次搞出三四百字都是nonesense，总幻想能搞到e－rater就好了，每次都能给打个分出来，呵呵。如果有写作水平真的很牛的大牛，能做批改大家作文的工作就好了……呵呵，这在各各GMAT forum可是史无前例哦～如果偶成偶就上了，可是偶好菜的说：（
单独出一个AWA评定版都成，大家意见呢？

lcbfeng

偶同意，把文章贴出来，大家看看

twinhead

这是偶的第一篇,用了模版.而且超时了.后来练了10篇左右
帖出来大家看看,不过别笑话偶!看看这个水平能得几分的说!谢谢!
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“It is unrealistic to expect individual nations to make, independently, the sacrifices necessary to conserve energy. International leadership and worldwide cooperation are essential if we expect to protect the world’s energy resources for future generations.”


The issue of whether the international leadership and worldwide cooperation, instead of separate effort of individual nations, are essential to conserve energy is a complex and controversial one. On the one hand, many people may feel that it is realistic enough for individual nations to protect their energy independently and that international cooperation is not necessary to be taking account in;on the other hand, others may think that the sacrifices of separately individual nations are unnecessary and unrealistic without worldwide cooperation between them.
However, in the final analysis, I conclude that international leadership and worldwide cooperation are essential factors which may contribute to conservation of the world’s energy resources for future generations successfully. I would like to present evidences favoring the former one and refuting the latter one to support my point of view.
In the first place, the most important reason for my view is based on the fact that the energy problem is not an individual but international problem. Obviously, if certain a nation’s energy system is broken down for some reason, it will try its best to compensate the scarcity. Throwing its sight out of the nation for others is the only choice if the energy system cannot revive timely and effectively. Many international conflicts between nations just occurred surrounding the contests of energy. Long war between Koweit and Iraq is a right evidence of energy conflict which pained both two nation’s citizens deeply. Since the benefit of others nations may involved with one nation’s energy problem, we have to solve the problem cooperatively to avoid the international loss.
In addition, there is another reason for me to consider this statement to be wrong. The reason is not far to seek: energy scarcity may lead to damage in all the whole world range by affecting global environment, which is not limited by one or another nation’s borderline. For instant, certain a country overuses coals for the lack of gas and oil result from overusing the two kinds of energy. Severe atmosphere contamination follows and challenges the worldwide environment.  This is we all not want to see but can be avoided by controlling the energy cooperatively.
Of course, it may be true that a separate effort of individual nation may contribute to the energy conservation in some degree, however, this alone does not constitute a sufficient support to validity of non-cooperative energy conservation. When the advantage and disadvantage of the two ways are carefully compared, the most striking conclusion is obvious.
Given the reasons discussed above, which sometimes intertwine to form an organic whole and thus become more persuasive, we may safely arrive at the point that international leadership and worldwide cooperation are essential factors of conserving the world’s energy resources to benefit future generations. (454words)