PS 到底怎么写 2 - tone

大海王子

Okay...so hopefully most of you guys read my post on structure "PS 到底怎么写 - structure". Today I
will talk about tone. Tomorrow I will talk about essay length and why
it is essential that you stay within a reasonable range of the word
limit.

So TONE...

From reading a lot of different PSs and
essays. I have found that a lot of you try to be very emphatic and
capture the reader's attention right away. (YES I know this is
good...hold on let me finish). A lot of you also try to start with a
line that is very..."inspirational" or... a "compelling" statement..such
as.."My dream is to create change in order to benefit the world through
my work".... or "My passion in XXX has shown me the meaning of
life"....if this sounds like your PS...PLEASE KEEP READING.

hanxiao257

感谢分享呀

大海王子

Where can I use compelling statements..
Generally,
after you have presented yourself and your abilities, you can close the
essay with a more compelling statement about your future, your goals,
your success, etc. The reasons is, by this point, hopefully your document
has convinced the reader that you really have the ability to do
something so compelling.

MOST IMPORTANT ********When do I use a thesaurus?

NEVER
use a thesaurus during your first draft. NEVER. The reason is, from my
experience, a lot of words are used incorrectly when you use a
thesaurus because you do not actually know the nuances of the word
unless you look in a dictionary. Even if you look in a dictionary,
sometimes the chinese/english dictionaries are not 100% accurate. I've
seen people try to use "seduce" in place of "convince"...which is very
embarrassing, and at best...will be circulated as a joke around the
admissions office. Using the thesaurus also creates the problem of
sounding pretentious because your sentence structure are generally not
complex enough to match the words. So there is incongruity in your writing, which just comes across as awkwardness.

Use
the thesaurus after you have pretty much finalized the document. A few
"elegant" word-changes adds a lot to the document. But do not overuse
the thesaurus. Sometimes, changing a word here or there will also allow
you to see new
possibilities to phrase your sentences better. All I can say
is...REVISE REVISE REVISE...each revision you do will make the essay
better. Most great essays have been revised multiple times. Even I
offer at least 2 rounds of revisions after the finalized version as
part of my services.

大海王子

Ａ　ｇｏｏｄ　ｅｘａｍｐｌｅ　ｏｆ　ａｎ　ｏｐｅｎｉｎｇ　ｌｉｎｅ．．．
＂Unlike some applicants, I have not always wanted
to study economics．Ｈowever, because I have explored different career
alternatives, I am more certain and determined about my future.＂

Ｗｈｙ　ｉｓ　ｔｈｉｓ　ｇｏｏｄ？　Ｔｈｅｒｅ　ａｒｅ　ｓｅｖｅｒａｌ　ｐｏｓｉｔｉｖｅ　ｔｈｉｎｇｓ　ａｂｏｕｔ　ｔｈｉｓ　ｓｔａｔｅｍｅｎｔ．

１）Ｒｉｇｈｔ　ａｗａｙ，　ｙｏｕ　ａｒｅ　ｇｉｖｉｎｇ　ｉｎｆｏｒｍａｔｉｏｎ　ａｂｏｕｔ　ｙｏｕｒ　ｐａｓｔ．．Ｈｏｗ　ｙｏｕ　ａｒｅ　
ｕｎｉｑｕｅ.　Ｗｈｙ　ｙｏｕ　ａｒｅ　ｂｅｔｔｅｒ　ｔｈａｎ　ｔｈｅ　ｃｏｎｖｅｎｔｉｏｎａｌ　ｃａｎｄｉｄａｔｅ．

２）Thｅ　ｆｉｒｓｔ　ｓｅｎｔｅｎｃｅ　ｃａｐｔｕｒｅs　ｔｈｅ　ｒｅａｄｅｒ＇ｓ　ａｔｔｅｎｔｉｏｎ　ｒｉｇｈｔ　ａｗａｙ．　Ｉt makes them
wonder...why are you saying this? you haven't wanted to always study
economics but you are applying? why?
By　ｐｒｅｓｅｎｔｉｎｇ　ａ　ｃｏｕｎｔｅｒｉｎｔｕｉｔｉｖｅ　ｓｔａｔｅｍｅｎｔ, you are presenting the
reader with a puzzle, challenging them to solve it．　

3) Right away,
this candidate also explained how something that might seem outwardly
negative, is really a positive...BEING ABLE TO DO THIS IS VERY VERY
IMPORTANT. EVERY RAIN CLOUD HAS A SILVER LINING....MAKE SURE YOU
EMPHASIZE THE SILVER LINING AS THIS OPENING LINE DID.

4) this line
shows determination and certainty. Regardless of the applicant's past,
the reader is convinced right way that the writer really is sure about
wanting to study economics. Certainty is a big bonus for your
application because adcom members want to make offers to students that
will definitely accept.

大海王子

How do I capture their attention
I mentioned
earlier that some people try to be very emphatic. Starting with an
interesting phrase is fine. However, there is a fine-line between
shocking someone with your opening statement, and making them feel
interested in you. The first line should also be informational. If you
just include a random quote....or a compelling statement such as
....Economics is the cornerstone of society....you just wasted your
first line.

This is actually one of the most difficult things
to master in your document. I suggest 1) you come up with multiple
possibilities and 2) and ask yourself...how does this line,
independently, present me?

大海王子

Basically, this is not the correct tone to use!!

WHY?
because
this tone makes you seem pretentious and fake. It is almost as if you
are trying too hard because you are trying to make up for your shortcomings and that you are really not good enough.

What should I do?

Mindset
When you are
writing, think about it as an autobiography. You need to let your story
shine through without making it seem pretentious, which is exactly what
this tone does to any document. YOUR　ＳＴＯＲＹ　ｓｈｏｕｌｄ　ｂｅ　ｇｏｏｄ　ｅｎｏｕｇｈ． Be down to earth and relax. If you are
thinking too hard, the writing comes across as nervous and unsure.
Think about how you would speak to someone　ｗｈｅｎ you are telling a
story about yourself. Use this tone to write. Not only will your
writing be more clear, it will show that you have confidence in
yourself. Remember, the professors are just people. Yes they are more
powerful than us, but they also want to be around relaxed, friendly and
sincere people.